Another busy week has passed and it’s also been another odd week.  Monday was ok, fairly normal, but on Tuesday I got sent home from school as I wasn’t well.  I felt ok but things were not right in the nappy department (eek!) so Mummy had to come get me.  Loads of kids were ill at school, and I wasn’t allowed back until I was completely better so I got to stay at home with Mummy for a few days!  Daddy was at home too because he’s useless at work with his broken arm and scabby head.  We didn’t do much but it was nice being at home for a change.  I called lots of people on the phone, Grandad, Auntie Christina and Granny and Auntie Ali and sang them songs down the phone. 

Mummy taught me some new songs this week: Bobby Shaftoe, Mary Mary Quite Contrary, Easy Beasy (Gran taught Mummy this one and Mummy taught me), Eenie Meenie, Minnie, Mo and stuff like that.  I still like that old chestnut, ABCs, though.  I know all the words to Sing a Song of Sixpence now too and that’s a really long song! 

I’ve been to the park with Maya a couple of times too, that’s always fun.  Mummy says I give her a heart attack climbing up the big slide and swinging on all the bars but its ok, I know what I’m doing.  I’m a trained professional and so is Maya.  I practice my moves at gymnastics and made up for lost time this week because I missed last week when I was ill.  I think the best part of gymnastics is watching Mummy and Olga do the warm up stretches.  Us kids are meant to do them but if you pretend to be distracted and watch the adults, they do all the silly moves like the kitty and seal stretches, the aeroplane, ribbet jumps etc and look like total fools!  Love it. 

This weekend has been pretty busy.  On Saturday after gymnastics me and Mummy went shopping.  I’m good at shopping so Mummy bought me a smoothie juice as a reward.  I am also partial to circle cheeses.  Then in the afternoon I went to see Jacob and baby Joseph!  That was ace fun as usual, Jacob has lots of nice toys and Victoria made banana cake.  Yum!  Daddy couldn’t come though because he was out buying Mummy her Mother’s Day present from me.  I couldn’t go because of my date with Jacob so I left explicit instructions with Olga what to buy and she took Daddy out.   I’ll tell you what I got Mummy, cos she doesn’t read this blog.  It was a cool hangbag!  It’s purple with a pink lining and very funky.  It’s a good job I told Daddy what to buy and that he had Olga to help him because bag shopping is not really something I’d entrust him to otherwise. 

Saturday was a bit different – I went to a pyjama party at my school!  There were loads of kids there, including my friend Mia, and we had a disco then watched a film with popcorn and went to sleep.  It was loads of fun.  Mummy and Daddy had a nice meal out and went to the pictures to see Wolverine and also said they had a nice night of freedom, whatever that means.  Mummy came to get me this morning and I’d just had a fight with Mia but we still hugged goodbye.  Then I got to see her again later at Hunter’s birthday party! 

Hunter is my friend from school and it was his 3^rd birthday.  He had an amazing bouncy castle and loads of toys and juice and snacks.  I saw lots of friends from school, including Isabel, Max, Zachary, Shane and Jarod.  We had loads of fun and I had a go on Hunter’s tractor, nearly running people over.  Isabel and I then had a shot on his car and I got my foot stuck on the pedal and nearly drove us into the water.  I swear I only drank juice all day!  I don’t know what happened.  I didn’t really want to come home but secretly I was very tired from my late night and busy day so I got a really cool party bag, said “thank you for having us” to Hunter’s Mummy and Daddy and went home to bed. 

Oh, forgot to say I got two very cool parcels this week.  One from Granny and Aunti Ali that had my Easter presents in it – thanks, you guys! – and another from Gran and Grandad.  They sent me new shorts for school which is ace and Mummy was especially thrilled with her Heat magazine.  I don’t see what the big deal was, Barney wasn’t in it.  Stupid magazine.  Auntie Christina once sent me a Barney magazine, man that was an awesome present.

This week I’ve watched a lot of Bob the Builder.  He rocks.    

So this week had been a bit of an odd week.  Firstly Daddy had a big accident on Monday night.  The official story is that he was jumped by half a dozen rugby players and beaten up but the truth is he fell over playing tennis (tennis!) and broke his arm and cut his head open.  I think it’s cos Mummy and Daddy had been up at the Ritz on Sunday watching the Tennis Legends Championship and Daddy forgot he had never actually played tennis and got carried away.  Anyway, Mummy said she took Daddy to the doctor but when I asked, she said it wasn’t Doctor Who!  What’s that all about?  Doctor Who would have sorted him out instantly.  He’s got his arm and head all bandaged up but it’s ok cos I keep giving him hugs and kisses so he’ll be better soon and back on the tennis courts, hee hee. 

Then at school this week people kept getting sick!  Poor Cameron got a sickness bug so I helped look after him until his Mummy came to get him.  Then Max got ill too and his Daddy came and gave him medicine.  I like medicine.  Tasty and pink!  I don’t like to see my friends ill, it’s not nice.  Nursery was a bit up and down this week, I must admit I did have a few temper tantrums and sulky fits.  Miss Annabel, who’s a nice teacher, said I must not behave like this but she was nice about it too and said I was still a good girl.  Miss Taryn, who’s my other teacher, says I am a clever girl.  I think I probably am because I can count to 15 but I keep forgetting the number 10.  I don’t imagine that matters much, how helpful can maths be in real life?  Look at Mummy, she can’t even count to 5 and she manages! 

One night after school, Mummy’s friend, Rachel, came home with us.  Her and Mummy and Olga were getting a pedicure from a guy named Romeo.  For some reason, they kept sniggering every time they said his name.  I don’t get it.  I was a bit perturbed by Romeo cos he seemed to be using a sanding belt on Rachel’s feet.  She said it was tickly though which made me laugh.  I got to choose a colour to paint my toenails and I chose red because that’s the same as Mummy’s nails.  However unbeknown to me, Mummy changed her nails to purple and now we don’t match!  I’m not happy, that is what we call ‘a breakdown in communication’.  I went to bed so didn’t see Mummy getting her feet filed down but I could hear lots of giggles and screams.  Honestly, girls! 

I saw Rachel another day after school too, cos me, Mummy and Rachel went to where the fountains are and they were having a farmer’s market.  We all tasted some sausages which was nice but it was more fun getting juice and coffee.  I didn’t get to play in the fountains as it was too late and a bit chilly but I’ll go up another time.  It’s not as much fun without Maya and Jacob anyway.

And then another day after school I got to go play with Maya!  That was fun, I like seeing Maya.  We went to her house and Olga fed us nice snacks and I played with all her puzzles and toys.  Maya has loads of nice hair bobbles, I like to see them all and try to pinch a few.  I would give Maya my hair bobbles though, so it’s not stealing.   I saw two frogs on the wall outside Maya’s house when we left.  One big one, which I think was the Daddy frog, and a little one which was probably the baby.  Frogs go ‘croak’ or ‘ribbet’ and Daddy is scared of them.  How silly, they are friendly! 

I was meant to go to gymnastics on Saturday, which I love, but I woke up and was sick.  That’s not nice, I don’t like being sick.  I guess I caught it from school.  Mummy hates sick too but she looked after me and cleaned me up.  She even laid on the sofa with me and watched Barney so I know she really felt sorry for me.  Mummy taught me that if I think I’m going to be sick, I need to run to the bath or tell Mummy so she can put me in the bath.  I think if Mummy put as much effort into toilet training me as she did sick-training me, I’d be in pants by now…  Anyway, I feel much better today.  Maybe even well enough to eat ice-cream… ;-)

Well, here I am finally.  Been a while so I have a lot to catch up on. 

I’ve been a busy girl at nursery all week.  This week we’ve been learning about family.  We have a Family Tree at nursery and have put up pictures of our families.  Most of my family is in Scotland which is quite far away so it’s nice to look at pictures and speak to them on the phone.  We’ve also been painting lots of pictures and playing out a lot.  James hit me in the face with a shovel.  Well, at least I told Mummy and Daddy that but I do get quite mixed up so even I don’t know if it’s true.  I do know it’s true I had a proper fight with Isabelle one day but I can’t remember what it was about.  Oh well, it’s all water under the bridge now. 

Pauly was here during the week but he’s gone now.  Mummy says he’s gone to London to find gainful employment, whatever that is.  To say goodbye, Mummy and Daddy took him to a restaurant that specialises in serving Meat.  I’ve given that a capital ‘M’ because Daddy and Pauly spoke about it in a reverential tone and you could just tell they couldn’t wait to stuff themselves so full that they got the meat sweats.  I think they had fun (and made themselves sick with overeating, the gluttonous savages) but I missed out because I was sleeping.  I know Olga came to look after me.  She should have brought Maya, I’d have woken up to play!  Anyway, I know Pauly went away on a big plane.  I hope he comes back and brings me another Barney DVD soon. 

I’ve had a good day today – I went to gymnaxtiks!  That’s gymnastics to all you grownups but I’m only two, cut me a break.  I’ve missed gymnaxtiks, it’s really good fun.  I remembered how to use all the equipment and even learned how to swing on a bar, climb a ladder and balance on a beam properly today.  I did roly-polys (back AND front!) and played on the bouncy castle.  Ooh, and I went on the big trampoline which was ace.  Next week I’ll show the instructor how to do a seat drop.  Maya was there too which was nice and I was definitely only playing when I pushed her over on the long trampoline.  Ahem.  She didn’t seem to mind too much. 

After that we went to get a raspberry roll (that’s a kind of cake, not a gymnaxtiks move) then Daddy looked after me while Mummy got her hair cut.  I like it, I said “I love your hair Mummy, wow!” and she seemed happy.  To be honest, I’m not really sure she got it cut but just washed it – shhh….  I’ve never had my hair cut, expect my fringe which Mummy does as long as I keep really, really still.  I have yellow hair. 

This afternoon was interesting too because we had to go buy Ciara a first birthday gift as it’s her party tomorrow.  I’ve even got a new dress to wear but I haven’t decided whether I’ll actually deign to put it on.  I promised Mummy in the shop I’d wear it but it was all talk.  After her trick of forcing me into an outfit against my will this morning by declaring it my ‘gymnastics outfit’ and making it sound compulsory that I wear it, I’m looking for the just the right opportunity for payback.  So we got Ciara a present and I got some new play-doh!  The last lot grew bumps and changed colour because Mummy forgot to put it back in the pots.  Weird stuff.  Do the Centre for Disease Control know about it? 

Oh, and then after that I went round to Olga’s house and stayed there playing with Maya for ages while Mummy and Daddy went to the tennis championships.  They said they had a good time and saw our friend, Simon, being a line judge.  He got them tickets actually, why didn’t he get me one?  Mummy doesn’t understand tennis, she just clapped when everyone else did and asked “what’s happening?” a lot.  Daddy finds that annoying but he’s used to it as that’s what she does at rugby too.  I had a good time with Maya though and Maya’s Daddy, Alex, took us to the park to play for ages!  I was pretty tired after that though, so it’s time for me to have a long sleep.  It’s Daddy’s day to get me up tomorrow so hopefully I won’t forget to wake him up nice and early.  

Well, here we are again, nearly the weekend.  What a busy week I’ve had!  Of course Monday was a holiday so we stayed at home – no school, yahoo! – and were all very lazy.  I read a lot of books.  My Mummy asked why I don’t watch more TV, like ordinary kids, but I just like to read.  Mummy should know what I mean, she reads a lot too but her books are boring.  No pictures in them.

School has been a bit different this week cos it’s still holidays here so there weren’t so many kids at school.  They call it Easter camp but I heard Mummy say it was just “regular school but at twice the price”.  Still, my friends Max, Mia and Zachary were there so I had lots of fun.  I get a bit upset if I get there in the mornings and the kids aren’t already playing outside.  I don’t want to hang around inside, I want to get out and commence the daily roll-in-the-sand exercises.  We did lots of painting and today we baked corn bread.

I got to see Maya on both Wednesday evening and Thursday evening.  On Wednesday we picked her up from school which was interesting.  That’s the second time I’ve been to Maya’s school and it’s very different from my school, but there’s lots of stuff going on.  I wanted to stop and play with the toys but Maya wanted to go back to my house for a smoothie so we didn’t hang around.  On Thursday we picked her up from her Mummy’s house, just to be different, and again she came to my house.  I was a good girl and shared all my toys and books.  I even let Maya play on Alfie (my ride-on giraffe that my Auntie Jill and Uncle Petie gave me) for quite a long time, which I think everyone will agree was most generous of me. 

On Thursday I had another surprise as my Mummy’s friend, Pauly, came to visit us!  He’s from a faraway land called Australia and Mummy says they have killer spiders and kangeroos there.  Pauly also says “g’day mate” a lot, or at least Daddy says that’s right.  I haven’t heard him say it myself but it’s only a matter of time, surely.  He brought me two DVDs, one of which was a Barney one so we became great friends immediately.  He brought Mummy some crisps and a Curly Wurly so she was very happy too.  Tonight I had a great game of football with him in the living room.

I’ve had a bit of a cough and cold this week but that’s ok, I get to practise holding my hand across my mouth when I cough and wiping my nose with a tissue and absolutely, definitely never my t-shirt.  It’s actually working out well because if I cough enough in the middle of the night, Mummy brings me some water and I can usually get an extra song or two out of her.  She’s extra croaky at 4am but I’ll take what I can get.  Must remember to wake her up tonight!

Not sure what the weekend’s plans are but I hope they involve the park, friends and ice-cream in that exact order!   Note to self, wake Daddy up early tomorrow.  Tee hee…..

It’s Easter weekend and I have had a fun time so far.  We should have more four day weekends, even if Mummy and Daddy say it’s harder work than being at work.  Pft, what are they talking about?

Ok, so what have I been up to?  On Friday we had breakfast with Olga and Maya then in the afternoon me, Mummy and Daddy went for a walk on the beach.  I was only meant to be getting my toes wet but went too far into the water and got my top wet too – oh dear.  So I ended up running around in just my nappy, which was fine by me.  We saw a HUGE bird, I think it was a pterodactyl.  Or maybe a pelican.  Definitely one or the other.  I thought it was going to start snatching tourists out of the water, it was so enormous.  After that, searching for shells seemed kinda boring so we went home and had some chippies.   

Yesterday was a mega good day – we went to an Easter party at Jacob’s house!  I had so much fun.  First of all I helped Mummy fill some plastic eggs with sweets.  And by ‘helped’, I do of course mean I ate some sweets.  Mummy said I was like a sweetie assassin as I kept pinching them without her seeing me.  She just wasn’t paying attention because she was concentrating on fitting the eggs together.  She was sticking her tongue out and everything.  Concentrating is not her strong point.  After that we made more eggs, but this time we made REAL eggs! 

Mummy hard boiled them for an hour (not really, but it felt like it) then we painted them loads of different colours using food dye and a paintbrush.  We were meant to use vinegar to stain the eggs but Gran used it all when she was here.  Seriously, how much vinegar does a normal person need in two weeks?!  I think she was drinking it.  So we managed without.  Mummy and Daddy held the eggs while I painted which worked out well for me because they ended up with food dye all over their hands and I was relatively clean.  Unfortunately Daddy looked like he’d been chopping someone up because his hands were so red and Mummy looked like she had a bad disease as her hands were a yellowy-green.  Most amusing, especially when the dye wouldn’t wash off and people kept asking Mummy what was wrong with her hands.  The eggs came out well though, that’s the main thing.

It was terribly exciting at Jacob’s house because Lizzie made us all bunny ears and painted a bunny nose and whiskers on our faces.  We all looked SO cute.  Then the Easter Bunny came to see us!  Actually, we didn’t technically see him because we thought he was inside and he was actually outside, though Daddy caused a near riot by walking in the door and us kids all got a bit excited because we though the Easter Bunny was coming in.  Suffice to say, we were all rather disappointed when my Daddy appeared, looking slightly startled to find 14 kids hunting for the Bunny Rabbit in the living room.  By the time we got outside, the Easter Bunny had been and gone but left loads of eggs for us to find!  We all ran around searching for eggs and I filled my bag with goodies.  I was quite tired after that so sat down with Maya and Leo to eat some chocolate and sweets.  After I’d done that, I felt filled with new energy and somehow found the strength to run around like a maniac for six more hours with my new friend, Emily.  Good stuff, chocolate… 

We also had an egg and spoon race using the eggs we’d made earlier.  That was hilarious because let’s face it, how many two year olds can take direction and run in a straight line?  The parents had no sooner managed to get us all lined up in what you might describe as a row, if you were feeling generous, when we had our first false start.  So once Jasmine had been dragged back to the starting line, we all tensed for the signal and had our second false start!  Guy, who’s just little, took off like a bat out of hell which made the rest of us start running too.  Maybe that was the ‘go’ sign, who knows? 

Anyway, there I was, clutching on to my egg like Daddy had told me to, bashing into Connor who was running the wrong way, approaching the turning post (a ride-on doggy) when I got a bit distracted.  Despite Mummy and Daddy shouting encouragement and telling me to come back, I thought it would be a better idea to follow Emily in a totally different direction and off we went!  I have no idea who won, and care even less.  All I know is when I did cross the finish line, a few minutes later, Mummy and Daddy still said I’d done a good job.  To be honest, it was pretty tough going out there in the baking sun.  Thank goodness we didn’t have a Gladiator obstacle course set up like John (Jacob’s Daddy) suggested.  I’d never have made it up the travelator.   Personally, I think the highlight of the race was spotting Maya riding off on the goalpost.  Good for her, she’s a rebel!

I got to stay up a bit late at Jacob’s house as my Mummy and Daddy were having too much fun to go home.  Jacob’s Mummy, Victoria, broke out the homemade mojitos (that’s Daddy’s favourite cocktail, in case you don’t know, and in no way gay or so Daddy says) and then all the grown-ups basically forgot us kids were there so we started playing a little game in the porch we like to call Lord of the Flies.  We were just about to eat Madeline (Emily’s little sister and clearly the weakest child present due to her only being a few months old) when Mummy and Daddy decided to go home.  No matter, we can pick up the game next time.

It was quite late when I got to bed but I still didn’t sleep in.  I should have, because I was tired, but I like to make sure Daddy gets up nice and early.  Mwahahaa!  We didn’t do too much today because we were all a bit tired but I did speak to Gran on the phone although I refused to speak to Auntie Jill no matter how much she begged and/or threatened because she said my blog is too long.  I also talked to Granny and Auntie Ali on the webcam and showed them my funny faces.  Then this afternoon we went to the East End to look at the blowholes.  They are funny.  When a big wave comes in water shoots out of the hole and up into the sky.  That was entertaining…for a few minutes at least.  The ice-cream that followed was better though.  I hope we have more ice-cream tomorrow.

I’ve seen lots of my friend Maya this week because her Mummy brought her to my school to play with me.  Wasn’t that nice?  Maybe she’ll move schools and be at my school all the time.  We also went to the park the other afternoon after school and work.  I really love the park and my favourite thing is the big slide.  I climb right to the top, swing on the bar and slide down at warp speed.  Mummy always looks really pale when I’m doing all this but its fine, I’m good at stuff like this!  So is Maya, I like to copy her a lot as she is good at climbing and swinging.  There are no swings at this park which is both odd and stupid.   My friend Jacob had his last birthday party at the park, with a big bouncy castle.  It was ace!

After we’d played for a bit, we went down to the beach and played in the sand and on the amphitheatre they have there (isn’t that a cool word – amphitheatre.  I have absolutely no idea what it means).  Anyway, we just climbed up and down the big stone steps.  I had some goldfish (the biscuits, not the actual fish, durr!) in a bag and I shared them with Maya.  I’m nice like that.  Mummy only had to threaten to take them off me once.  The waves at the beach were really high and crashing into the rocks, making big splashes.  Luckily I didn’t get wet.  Hopefully we’ll get to go to the park this weekend too.

We made Easter cards and eggs at school this week – my egg was blue and purple and made my hands blue and purple too.  I didn’t eat it (it wasn’t made of chocolate).  Then the nice teachers there gave me a chicken (not a real one) that opened up and there was a stamp inside it!  I love stamps, I like to stamp loads of things and make them bright and colourful.  I even like to stamp my forehead sometimes.  Chickens go “pok pok”, did you know.  And roosters (boy chickens) say “COCKADOODLEDO!”  How noisy.  We have chickens at school and indeed all over the place.  They run wild around this island, it’s very odd.  You can always tell tourists because they are inevitably following the chicken around with their cameras, looking amazed and taking photos.  For us ex-pats, the novelty wears off pretty quick and once you’ve seen one chicken trying to gain access to the police station, you’ve seen them all.

Mummy was very happy today as a parcel arrived from Auntie Christina!  It had stuff in it for me too and I was excited.  Auntie Christina sent me a very cool Barney magazine (I didn’t know such things existed!) and some sweeties.  I ate some milk bottles.  Thank you very much, Auntie Christina, for the sweeties and magazine!  I hope you like your Easter egg we sent and lots of kisses to Baby Lachlan.  Mummy has already read the magazine Auntie Christina sent her (twice, actually) but heroically restrained herself from eating any of the sweets.  Her willpower knows no bounds.   And also Sue (our neighbour, remember?) gave Mummy and Daddy each a Wispa bar!  Good times, people, good times.

Daddy put me to bed tonight because Mummy was off having her hair done.  She just gets it washed, blow dried and straightened so it’s long and pretty.  Daddy says it’s a waste of money because “we have water, shampoo and a hairdryer in the house!” but Mummy just says “you don’t understand” and off she goes.  She says because she has to wash her hair at the evil gym it’s always a bedraggled mess so she deserves a treat.  Getting your hair done doesn’t sound like a treat to me but to each their own and all that.

Talking of the evil gym, Mummy was amused today because she said the instructor had on tight, demin cut-off shorts and this made her laugh.  I heard her tell Daddy it was distracting.  I am not sure what she meant.  She said she enjoyed her workout because there was a lot of punching and kicking and Daddy replied “oh dear” and looked worried.  Poor Mummy has had a sore back and legs so I kissed them better for her.  I would offer her one of my Dora plasters but I have to draw the line somewhere. 

I prefer it when Mummy puts me to bed rather than Daddy as Mummy is better at the whole routine.  Daddy forgets to sing me songs out of the book (that part is highly important) and doesn’t leave gaps for me to fill in the words either even though I know al the nursery rhymes off by heart.  Tonight he only sang me three songs before I got fed up and told him to go away.  He was getting it all wrong so I put us both out of my misery.  Luckily I heard Mummy come in and shouted to her to come upstairs and sing me some songs, which she obligingly did.  She sang seven songs, all out of the book, and remembered to leave gaps for me to sing too.  Then we had a little chat about the weekend’s plans and I went to sleep after that.  Usually I don’t go to sleep straightaway, I prefer to read some books (Mummy leaves the light on for me but I know she sneaks in when I’m sleeping and turns it off again) and make up stories or sing more songs then I have a good sleep.  I think I will dream about the Jelly Babies Auntie Christina sent… Bite off their heads!

I’d like to share something with you that I’ve observed over the last few months.  Did you know the moon changes shape?  It does!  Over the weeks it goes from being a crescent moon, to a half moon to a circle moon!  It’s amazing.  I don’t know how or why it does this, but it does. 

I like the moon, I call him Mr Moon and I know some stuff about him.  For example, when he comes out then it’s nighttime and my bedtime.  Sometimes the moon hides behind clouds.  Mummy told me that black clouds carry rain and white clouds carry sunshine.  Also, the moon is very far away.  As are the stars and the sun.  The sunshine makes your shadow, did you know that?  It’s all rather amazing. 

I don’t know any songs about the moon, like I do about the sun, but Mummy knows a poem about the moon and a man on a horse.  Its Daddy’s favourite, I’ll go ask him how it goes again.

Sunday today which meant Mummy got me up.  I did let her have a little sleep-in but she still stumbled into my room all bleary-eyed and recoiling from the light.  She’s really not a morning person.  We had a busy morning though – we met my friends Olga and Maya for breakfast!  That was nice, we are ladies who do breakfast.  I had a cranberry juice, some bacon (I like bacon), some of Mummy’s bagel, some of Olga’s home fries and two squares of jam.  They call it jelly here, which is obviously something else entirely so I’m not sure how the name mix-up came about but there you go.  Americans…

A dog scared me.  Why are they so loud with their stupid barking?

After breakfast we went to play for a bit.  There’s a surfing thingymabob next to where we ate, although there was no water in it today.  I’m not allowed on it, I’m too small, and I’m especially not allowed near it when there is water in it.  It looks like fun though; maybe when I’m bigger I can have a go.  Me and Maya also played in the little playground, jumping and screaming on the bridge and in the little house.  Olga and Mummy pretended to hide then jump out and scare us, and I got a bit over-excited and punched Olga on the nose.  Oops.  She was ok about it and didn’t give me in trouble.  Mummy taught me a new word yesterday: accident.  I reckon I’ll be using it a lot.

I didn’t nap today.  I must say, I do like a nap, but now and then I like to freak the parentals out by skipping it.  I went to bed and lay there for quite a while.  I’d talk and sing to myself then fall quiet for a while, just until I knew they thought I’d fallen asleep.  Then off I’d go again!  Hilarious.  They didn’t know whether I was sleeping or not, hee hee.   Daddy got me up after a while, looking resigned.  He even looked after me all afternoon after Mummy went to help a lady pack clothes for the Mustard Seed children.  She was outside in the heat packing clothes into boxes.  She said most people are very kind and generous but some people are just weird and donate very odd (and occasionally gross) stuff.

While Mummy was out, me and Daddy called Granny and Auntie Ali who live in Scotland.  I didn’t talk to them on the phone though, because the phone freaks me out.  I mean, how can they fit into such a little device?  There’s no other explanation for how I can hear them speaking out of it though.  Gran and Grandad and Auntie Jill live in Scotland too.  That’s where I’m from but I don’t live there.  It’s quite far away and much colder.  I think they have polar bears.

After Mummy showered (I wanted to get in too but Mummy said no because there wasn’t time for games), she wanted me to change out of my dirty clothes.  Frankly, I didn’t want to so I had a big crying fit on the hall landing.  I pulled out all the tricks, crying, throwing myself around, throwing things, kicking – you name it.  Mummy and Daddy seemed oddly unimpressed and said they would leave me home alone and go for ice-cream themselves.  So in the end we compromised and I put pyjamas on and we went for ice-cream.  I had vanilla again but didn’t eat much of it this time.  Then me and Mummy played chasies in the square.  I love that game, it makes me laugh so much. 

I was pretty tired after all that activity and no nap so I just went straight to bed when we got in.  Mummy sang me some songs (out of tune, as usual) and I curled up with my cuddly toys and books and went to sleep.

Ps: Hi to Gran and Grandad!  Thanks for reading my new blog and commenting on it.  It’s nice to read your news too.  Love you! 

PPS:  Mummy did finish her book and went to her bookclub.  She said they spoke about the book for 20 minutes and spent the rest of the time gossiping.  Daddy was not surprised.

Today is Saturday.  Saturday is Daddy’s day to get me up and I was feeling charitable so I let him have a bit of a sleep-in, cos I’m nice like that.  We had a good time playing and not eating breakfast but eventually it was time to wake Mummy up.  She said she was having a strange dream about being in a safehouse.  I don’t know what a safehouse is.  Is it a house that keeps you safe or a house that is very safe?  Intriguing. 

 

Daddy took me out to the bookshop today.  It’s one that sells dogs.  No, wait.  I’m getting that wrong – it’s a bookshop that gives all its money to the dogs.  What’s that called?  A charity shop?  Don’t tell Auntie Jill we go to charity shops, she’d disown us.  Whatever, they have lots of cool books.  I chose a couple of light reads (Tolstoy and Kafka) and Daddy got Spot Goes to the Beach.  Bless him.  He also bought Mummy a book about learning Spanish.  I can just see her efforts to learn Spanish going the same way as her efforts to learn Russian.  Hello.  My name is (insert name here).  How are you?  Please.  Thank you.  Goodbye.  I wouldn’t say languages are Mummy’s forte, unlike me who revels in such fair.  Ah oui, c’est vrai, merci. 

 

I had a massive nap today because all the bookshopping tired me out.  Daddy napped too.  I don’t think the bookshopping wore him out, I think he’s just lazy.  Mummy went to the pictures with friends from work to see a film about a shopaholic.  She said it was good but not as good as the book.  She reads books without pictures, what’s that all about?  I love pictures!  Pop-up ones are the best but I also like the ones where you pull up bits of the page and things are hidden behind them!  How cool is that?  Today we read Green Eggs and Ham.  I do like that book.  If I get Mummy to read it too much though, it’ll go missing, like The Gruffalo did.  Mummy says she just can’t find it but I think she knows exactly where it is.

 

Oh, talking of hiding, I’m getting pretty good at it.  My fav spot is between the TV unit and the wall.  It’s hilarious – every single time I go in there, no-one can see me.  It’s like I just flicker out of sight, like I’ve got an invisibility cloak or something.  Mummy and Daddy just start going “where’s Emma?  Have you seen Emma?” and looking around, confused.  Then I pop back out and they say “oh, there she is!” and then I hide again.  They are such simpletons, this can go on for AGES!  They never figure it out.  I can also hide in the bedroom cupboard but I admit I do get a bit over-excited about that and start screaming.  Be cool, Emma, be cool. 

 

Daddy got his hair cut today.  It looks much better even if Daddy looked faintly resentful at having to go.  I’ve never had my hair cut although Mummy does butcher my fringe occasionally.  Mummy gets her hair done all the time, she’s so vain.  Apparently the heat out here makes your hair grow faster.  Sounds like rubbish to me, where’s the science?!

 

We did have a little adventure today – we all went to the gym!  We’ve got a gym next to our pool and tennis courts (hee hee, we have tennis courts!  Although we only ever throw a ball around them because none of us can actually play tennis) but we don’t really use the gym.  Daddy used to until one night he went up and there was a frog on the door and he ran home.  I’m thinking from his reaction the frog was the size of a giant and duffed him up for being Scottish or something.  Every night we get frogs sitting on our patio doors and Daddy pretends he’s cool with it.  But I know (and now you know) that if those frogs were on the inside of the glass, it would be a different story.   Mummy once found the desiccated corpse of a frog under the sofa (shows how often she cleans under there, eh?) and never told Daddy because she knew he’d insist on moving house.  Frogs are cool!  They go ribbet and jump around.  Ok, the fly eating is not so cool but I’ll let that one slide because of the cool jumping. 

 

When Auntie Jill and Skye were here, they went to the pool a lot.  One day Auntie Jill got a massive scare because a giant iguana (one of the four foot long ones) got in the pool for a swim.  Poor Auntie Jill came flying (not literally) back to the house to tell Mummy who just said “and what do you want me to do about it?”  Iguanas do that sometimes.  They have no sense of propriety. 

 

Sorry, got distracted.  So yeah, we got to the gym and I had a wee bounce on the mini trampoline but to be frank that soon got old.  Mummy was on the cross trainer and Daddy was on a bike that didn’t go anywhere.  What’s the point in that?  I wanted to go on the cross trainer but my legs aren’t long enough.  Then we all did some jumping and stretching and prison lunges.  I don’t want to know how Mummy knows about prison lunges.

 

As you can imagine, I was pretty tired after all that activity so we just read some more (many more) books and then I had a drink of milk and went to bed with Katie.  Katie is my baby, did I mention her before?  She has a bottle of milk and I feed her and tuck her in.  She sleeps on my chest; I believe this is called “co-sleeping”.  Mummy and Daddy didn’t co-sleep with me because I didn’t want to.  They both snore and I need my peace and quiet to dream about dummies, car and flamingos.  Night night!  

Today is Friday which means it’s practically the weekend!  Yippee!  We got off to an early start by going to Camana Bay after school and going for ice-cream.  I had white ice-cream with gummy bears on top.   They were cold.  Mummy had chocolate ice-cream and Daddy had banana stuff.  Yuck.  I ate mine whilst playing peek-a-boo with Mummy.  I like ice-cream but I don’t love it.  Given the choice, I’d rather have crisps.  It was still fun though.  Usually when we go to the ice-cream shop we then go to the bookshop or run around the fountains but we had to go to the DVD shop after that to get me a Barney DVD.  Mummy wanted to put me right to bed when we got in but I made a big fuss and got to watch half an hour of Barney.  Works every time….

 

My friend Jacob is off to New York today.  Apparently I’ve been there, but I was only eight months old at the time so I don’t really remember it.  Mummy says we went to Central Park Zoo which was good (clearly they enjoyed it), Rock at the Top at night (that’s the Rockerfella Centre for all your ignoramuses) and The Met.  Wow, I am so well travelled.  Good of my folks to take me to such a cool city when I was so young and all I cared about was cuddles and bottles of milk.  Nice one, parentals.  Anyway, I hope Jacob and his Mummy and Daddy and brother (baby Joseph) have lots of fun and go to the M&M shop in Times Square.  Oh, and F.A.O Schwartz!  Toys, glorious toys…  Daddy says we might go too later in the year.  If we do go, I’m definitely going to remember more about it and not fall asleep at inopportune moments.  I’m not a baby anymore, I don’t need as much sl- zzzzzz… 

Today is April Fool’s Day.  I’m not sure what that means yet but Mummy didn’t seem too happy about it.  Firstly she got into work and her computer’s mouse (why does her computer have a mouse?) wasn’t working.  Turned out a colleague had stuck a piece of paper over the sensor underneath the mouse.  Mummy was not a happy bunny because she was “not in the mood for this kind of stuff”.  Oh dear.  Then this afternoon Daddy played a joke and phoned Mummy at work pretending to be a reporter asking for a quote.  Mummy’s work is in the papers just now for being tax dodgers.  Sorry, for working in a tax haven.  It’s big news just now but Mummy promises there’s no money stuffed in boxes in the basement.  Anyway, Daddy freaked Mummy out as she thought reporters had her phone number but it was only a joke.  However, she still wasn’t amused.  I think she’s just grumpy because her legs hurt so much from going to the gym.  She said she’s hit the pain barrier.  I offered to kiss her better but she didn’t seem impressed and just asked for more tablets.  Wimp.

 

Seriously, what can be so bad about the gym that she has to moan and cry like this?  Daddy had to take me to nursery this morning because Mummy couldn’t carry me.  Mummy keeps threatening Daddy and saying he’ll have to go too and then he can see what all the fuss is about.  She still hasn’t finished her book club book either.  Slacker! 

 

Mummy was telling Daddy about the Mustard Seed Children today.  Apparently they are little children, some the same age as me (and I’m two and a half, by the way) who don’t have Mummies and Daddies and live in a big house all together in Jamaica.  They had a fire and their house burnt down L which sounds very sad.  Mummy said that she was going to have a clear out because the children needed things and I’ve got loads of old clothes that don’t fit me anymore.  We took some stuff to a nice lady who is organising sending it all to Jamaica for the children.  I put in some of my books too.  I have plenty and I don't need them all plus it’s good to share.  Lots of other people on the island have done the same, which is really nice.  I hope the children have fun wearing my stuff and reading my books. 

 

I was telling Mummy how Cameron threw sand at me today.  Mummy said “what did you do?” (because she always tells me to tell a teacher if someone else hits me or throws sand at me) and I replied with “I hit him.”  Mummy made a very odd noise, hard to tell what it was exactly but she said “don’t hit!”  She’s always saying that.  Boring!  A girl’s gotta stand up for herself, right?

 

Today I wore light pink leggings with dark pink spots and a pink and grey striped t-shirt.  I had two ponytails (I wanted three but Mummy cheated me out of one) and had pink bobbles in them.  Pink is cool!

What’s today?  Tuesday.  Ok, so I’ve been to school yesterday and today.  School is pretty good fun, I have a lot of friends.  I’ll tell you some of their names.  Mia.  Cameron.  Zachery.  Georgie.  Jordon.  Shyla.  Johnny.  Isabella.  Issiah.  Aitken.  Hollie.  Freddie.  Max.  Sienna.  Daddy says I have one of the most normal names in the class.

 

School is good fun, I just play all day.  I’m assuming this is what ‘big’ school is like.  Mummy and Daddy are always running late so by the time I get there in the morning, the kids are already playing out and I can’t wait to join them.  We just do loads of playing and learning stuff like an octopus lives in the ocean and five comes after four.  This fortnight we are learning about healthy foods and why it is important to clean our teeth.  It’s so important, I didn’t remind Mummy to do mine tonight when I went to bed.  Tee hee.  Don’t tell her.  I’m looking forward to going into the big class where we learn about people like Vivaldi.  I don’t know who he was but it’s gotta be interesting stuff if four year olds are learning it.  Right? 

 

One of the best things about school are the animals.  We’ve got a pony, a goat, two pigs, chickens, ducks, a cat, a dog and a tortoise called Turquoise.  When we go into the next class, I can feed the animals but frankly I am a little scared of the pigs who go nuts for their food.  PIGS!  Oink oink.  They try to get through the fence and everything.  Maybe I’ll just stick to feeding the ducks.  I like the cat especially.  He’s my cat and he’s called Gypsy.  

 

Probably the most bestest thing about school is playing out in the sand garden and getting dirty.  Like, really dirty.  I always try to see if I can get my legs to change colour and go a kind of ill grey from all the sand and dust by the end of the day.  Yesterday I surpassed myself and layered the sand on so thick I had to have a bath when I got home.  Mummy only bathes me when I’m really dirty.  Suits me, time in the bath is a waste cos I can’t watch Barney while I’m having a bath. 

 

Oh boy, I love Barney.  I really do.  He’s the business.  He is purple which is a good start – come on, who doesn’t want to be purple?  It’s my favourite colour along with orange.  Coincidentally, those are Mummy’s favourite colours.  Daddy’s is red.  Further, Barney’s a dinosaur which is pretty cool, I guess, and he has nice friends like Baby Bop and BJ.  Oh and Riff, who’s orange and likes music.  I like music too, I like to dance and sing songs nice and loud.  Mummy and Daddy help me sometimes, I love to see them singing Miss Polly had a Dolly and Mr Sun!  They are soooo uncool.  I try to watch Barney on the TV every single day.  My Auntie Jill and Auntie Ali send me new DVDs sometimes and I watch them over and over until Mummy begs for mercy and demands to know why we’re watching Barney at Christmas in MARCH!  Chill, Mummy. 

 

Tonight and last night after I got home from school my friend Maya came to play.  We sat at the table and shared snacks.  Managed to con Mummy out of both crisps and sweets tonight.  Score!  Hoped for chocolate after that but only offers of fruit were forthcoming.  I’ll make her pay for that tomorrow.  Maya had a pretty top on today and had her hair in a ponytail.  I sometimes put my hair up but most of the time I don’t because I like having my hair in my face and getting food in it because it really winds Mummy up.  Not nearly as much fun as getting my food in Mummy’s hair obviously.

 

Talking of Mummy, she’s starting going to this place called the ‘gym’ every lunchtime with some girls she works with.  I heard her tell Daddy and my friend Olga that the man who runs it is an “evil terminator” and she hates him.  I wonder what the gym is?  It sounds like fun to me.  Lots of running around and lifting stuff up.  It doesn’t sound that hard so I don’t see why Mummy can barely climb the stairs today and complained “even lifting up a cup of coffee is hard!” 

 

I was pretty tired after school today so went to bed when Maya was still here.  We called ‘bye’ to each other all the way up the stairs which was fun then when I was in bed I could still hear her downstairs (I’d told Mummy to leave my door open).  I would shout to her and she would shout back.  It was great fun!  Then Mummy came back to read me some stories.  I love stories.  Mummy said she had to go read too because she has her first book club meeting on Thursday and she hasn’t started the book yet.  I bet she was like this at school, always doing her homework late.  She’ll get kicked out of the club before it even starts at this rate! 

 

I think I’ll dream about car and flamingos tonight. 

So it’s Sunday.  What did we do?  Well it was Mummy’s turn to get up with me so I woke up early and screamed for her.  She only held out a paltry 10 minutes which is rubbish.  Daddy would have held out much longer and we all know it.  She just can’t resist the power of my screams, mwahahahahhaa!   So it’s true, power really does corrupt.

 

We didn’t go to church, cos we never do.  In fact, I’ve only ever been in a church once when my friend from back home, Eilidh, was getting christened (whatever that is) and I spent the whole time crawling around on the floor eating raisins and getting my little fingers stuck in floor grates.  It was kinda dull although proceedings livened up a bit when this guy in a robe tried to drown Eilidh.  I screamed to warn everyone but Mummy whisked me out of there.  I’m thinking that’s why we don’t go to church more –the attempted murders. 

 

Mummy doesn’t seem keen on God and stuff like that (see yesterday’s post) so I’m bearing this well in mind for future teenage rebellions.  Currently I’m thinking of either joining a cult (Christianity sounds like a good one, flexible, you know) or trying to discover my identity by dressing identically to hundreds of other kids in what is known as ‘Goth’.  The make up looks crap but I’m liking the clothes. 

 

So anyway, coffee this morning as is our religion.  It wasn’t that interesting so I had to feign excitement about two blackbird hopping around outside.  I kept shouting “BIRD!” like I’ve never seen one before but sheesh, I’ve seen thousands of the things.   I just like the way Mummy goes “tweet tweet” a lot.  Does she seriously think all birds make cartoon bird sounds?  Hilarious.  Anyway, drank a pint of orange juice for the hell of it.

 

Because I woke up so early, I needed a pretty long nap.  Daddy did too, even though he didn’t get up that early.  I think my bouncing on his head this morning woke him a little prematurely but Mummy said it was ok.  She was smiling broadly when she said it so I’m guessing she had another agenda but I don’t care, I like to bounce and Daddy’s head is pretty soft.  I like naps, I hope I never outgrow them.  So does Mummy.  She says she’ll start locking me in a cupboard if I ever drop my naptime.  I am fairly sure she’s kidding.  She’s such a prankster, that Mum of mine.

 

This afternoon was loads of fun – we went to meet my friends, Maya and Olga, again!  And double fun – it was at the fountains!  I love the fountains, they are such fun.  I just stripped my clothes off and dived right in.  I heard Mummy saying I looked like a hippo cooling off at a waterhole but she’s just jealous she couldn’t lie down and roll around in the cool water now the weather is getting hot again.  I was confused though because when I sucked up a mouthful of water then spat it out (great game!), I heard Mummy say to Olga that I was “charming” then she turned round to me and said “that’s disgusting!”  Well, which is it?!  I’m a bit flipping young to understand sarcasm although I have a feeling it’s in my genes, I just need the key. 

 

I did a bit of stunt running and jumping too.  Ok, the first time was an accident but I could totally tell by the way Mummy and Olga gasped and held their collective breath that it was in awe of my skid across the water and not anticipation of my screams of pain.  Maya didn’t look impressed but she had her mind on more toilet training high jinks.  She made her Mummy take her to the loo three times in half an hour.  I can’t wait to try that trick.  We also managed to make three stupid med student vacate the café.  Get to the library if you want peace, you coffee freeloaders.

 

Mummy had to go back to work tonight.  I’m not sure what she does but I hope it involves her getting paid lots of money cos I need new leggings.  Ok, ‘need’ might not be the right word but a girl always needs more leggings.  Right?  It’s great when Daddy is in charge, he’s easy to psyche.  I conned loads of bedtime stories out of him and he slunk away a broken man in the end.  Oh yes, I rock.